What NOT to say to a Pregnant Woman

I’ve been thinking about this post for a long (LONG) time. Been keeping mental notes (and literal notes, too) all along my pregnancy of the stupid things people say to pregnant woman.

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Here are just a few:

1.) (upon finding out that I was pregnant) “I thought your face looked plump.”
the polite response – smile & nod in agreement
what I really want to say - “Well, yes, it is normal to gain weight in pregnancy. Which explains my ‘plump’ face. Thanks for rudely pointing it out though.”

2.) “You look swollen.”
the polite response – “Yes, it’s a side effect of pregnancy and is exacerbated by the lovely summer heat.”
what I really want to say – “There is only one person who can tell me I’m swollen, and that’s my Doctor. You are not my Doctor. So please… shut your pie hole.”

3.) “Do your stretch marks hurt?”
the polite response - “No.”
what I really want to say - “Just my ego when you ask about them.”

4.) “I hope you’ll be able to stay home when the baby is born.”
the polite response - “I’d love to, but I’m the one in the family that gets the health insurance, so I will need to come back to work.”
what I really want to say – “Well I could stay home, get on Medicaid and get all the government assistance, but you see, I CAN work, I have access to INSURANCE, and it’s MY RESPONSIBILTY to PROVIDE for MY child. Not the government’s responsibility. MINE.”

5.) “Were you disappointed that you didn’t get a girl?”
the polite response – “No, we would of course be happy with either. As long as he arrives happy and healthy, we’re happy.”
what I really want to say – “Seriously?! WTF?! How am I supposed to answer that?” If I said ‘yes’, they’d think I was a horrible person. When I say ‘No’, they just smile and nod in agreement with me.

6.) “You’re due in September? Oh… the summer heat! You should have planned that better.”
the polite response – “Yes, it has been a warm summer. So far my pregnancy has been fairly easy, so I hate to complain about the heat.”
what I really want to say – “You’re right… I should have avoided sex for the time period that would leave me due in the summer months. We’re obviously amateurs at this baby making thing. Next time we’ll try harder.”

 

Now I realize most people don’t mean any harm when asking these questions/making these statements, but they are still offensive. Who comments on a pregnant woman’s size? Pregnant ladies are especially sensitive and easy to anger. And honestly, I don’t really get MAD, it’s more of a “seriously? who says that?” kind of reaction.

Have you read the Pregnant Chicken posts on “Clever Pregnancy Comebacks“? They are hilarious. Check ‘em out. My favorite one is in “Clever Pregnancy Comebacks: Part 2“:

“Was this an accident?” “Yes! I tripped and fell on a dick.” 

Can you imagine that person’s face if you said that. OMG. Too funny.

 

Anyone want to add to the list of what NOT to say to a pregnant woman?

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Comments

  1. Jen says:

    “You haven’t had your baby yet?”
    Yes, I actually did then I stuffed a basketball up my shirt for fun.
    People are stupid. That is all.

    • Ashley says:

      Omigosh… yes. People just don’t think before they speak! I love when they ask “Are you SO done being pregnant?” If I say yes, I get the lecture of “it’s temporary, it’s worth it, etc.” DUH… I know that. But if I say no, then they bitch about how awful their pregnancies were and how horrid THEY felt the last 2 weeks. I can’t win.

  2. Rochelle Gowan says:

    Love this post. Totally got all of those plus comments on my waddling when I was like 24 weeks. Hello if I’m waddling dont point it out. Lol people seriously dont think. I absolutely hate the staying home one. I could rant all day with the crap I’ve heard about that one in good ole Utah valley. But you know they don’t mean it so can’t stay too mad. Lol

    • Ashley says:

      It drives me bonkers Rochelle! Omigosh. Of course I’d love to stay home, I think most girls would, but it’s not in the plan right now, and I hate the damn guilt trip people give me for having to work. And yes… I waddle. No need to point it out! ;)

  3. Katie says:

    When I was about 21, and single, never been married or pregnant, I worked retail. A super super cute pregnant girl came in the store, and as I was ringing her up I decided to make small talk. “You look like you’re about to pop! When ya due?” Her response, “Um, I’m barely over halfway, and my friends were telling me I looked small this morning so thanks for THAT!” I felt HORRRRRID. HAHA Never again do I ask when someone is due, unless I’m they’re close friend and just forgot their due date. :) People really are dumb. (me included lol). This post is funny. I guess I didn’t care what dumb comments people made to me because I had been the dumb one once. HAHAHAH

  4. Janice says:

    I too am prego! I’m 4 wks behind you. But I have had a MALE coworker say “Hey Chubby!” I was so dumbfounded that I replied with “That was NOT very nice!” And walked away. He is married with children so he knows better than that. Similarly I had another coworker say “You are so huge!” Really? Because I haven’t put much weight on & I am 33 weeks prego!! Then, last one I promise, when prego brain had REALLY been getting me my hubby informed me that it wasn’t a pregnancy issue, but a responsibility issue!!! Needless to say he hasn’t said it again and was corrected! ;)

    • Ashley says:

      I love how you “corrected” your hubby. Diz will sometimes stare at my feet (they are really swollen) and I have to tell him to knock it off and he just laughs. Little terd. And just to be honest with you, I’d have slapped your co-worker! What an ass! Why don’t people understand that they shouldn’t comment on a pregnant girl’s size?!

  5. Nora J says:

    Why is it that people seem to think anything is OK to say? I am due with my second girl 4 days after my daughter’s birthday and we get lots of questions about are we going to try for a boy right away after this one is born? Am I upset that their birthdays will be so close? Also since I’m tall I look pretty small (8 months) and I get lots of comments on that. One person who must have been pretty good at doing quick mental math figured out when both girls were conceived and commented that we must really like to have fun on our anniversary! SO INAPPROPRIATE!

    • Ashley says:

      Oh my… that is SO inappropriate. Who knows you well enough to even know that much about you and to do the mental math? UGH. That’s awful!

  6. Allie says:

    What I would like to say to you is that you are LOVELY and I can’t wait to see your little guy :)

    And I pretty much think any comments relating to pregnancy are inappropriate, unless you are super close to the person and you bring it up….why does anyone think it’s okay to ask about something as private as having a family? Whether it’s asking when someone is having kids….why someone hasn’t had kids…or anything related to how you look while pregnant!

    • Ashley says:

      Oh giiirrrrl! People are so rude. We got a lot of “it’s about time” comments when we announced and to be honest it was a little hurtful. We thankfully did not struggle to get pregnant, but our family planning schedule is NO one’s business but our own. Diz and I got pregnant at the perfect time for US. Sometimes when we’d get asked when we were gonna have a baby, I’d be a smart ass and say, “We’re not ready yet, but we sure have fun practicing!” It usually shuts people RIGHT up. ;)

      p.s. can’t wait to see you Saturday! :)

  7. amanda says:

    my moment: Smith’s cashier learned I had twins. Then she asked, “so when are they due?” Me: “Um, I delivered 4 months ago.”

    I wanted to run out and cry, but she had just started scanning my groceries so I just stood there. In silence. Both of us.

    My guilty prego thing is smothering your baby-belly with my hands! I did ask first, though. I think I did….!!!

    • Ashley says:

      You can touch my belly anytime! :)
      And I’ve been asked a time or two when I’m due… when I wasn’t pregnant. It’s mortifying. And I definitely cried… both times.

  8. Oh my gosh!!! I can’t believe people have SAID THESE things to you?!?! What the heck. I am so sorry. People can be sooooo dumb.

    I laughed OUT LOUD when I read the pregnant chicken’s response to “Was it an accident?” hahahahahahhha.

    Some people keep mentioning that I’ll probably be late, etc. b/c I am ‘small’. SO annoyed. How do THEY know when my child is coming?! huh. huh? Tell me that one. Not to mention–size should not be talked about to a pregnant lady-either way it is insulting & not necessary.

    k I am done.

    p.s. I am so excited for you!! He is coming so soon! <3 xo

    • Ashley says:

      I love when people try to tell you when you’re going to deliver or how big your baby will be. Especially when they are complete strangers.
      Pregnant Chicken’s blog is amazing. I love it. Always a guaranteed laugh!

  9. Shannon says:

    Yes!!!! For me, its always the older women WHO HAVE NEVER HAD CHILDREN that are the worst offenders!

    “Kim Kardashian had her baby 5 weeks early, maybe there’s hope for you!” *then acted appalled when I stated I would like my child to come when she’s fully developed and ready for the outside world*

    “Wow, those maternity clothes are almost stylish!”

    “You’re so jiggly!!!”

    “Kiss sleep, fun, life goodbye when that little one shows up”

    “We didn’t know if you were pregnant, we just thought you were getting chubby. But we’d never say that to your face” *cough, you just said it to my face…*

    “What do you think you’ll do with your maternity time off?” *ummm, take up scuba diving and para sailing?*

    “Don’t worry, you’ve still got plenty of time to come up with a different name.”

    I swear, Pregnant Chicken and other pregos have gotten me through. Thanks for the smiles!

    • Ashley says:

      Scuba diving and parasailing… OMG. I think I died laughing when I got your comment. People will ask the most random questions when you are pregnant, and I feel like there is no right answer most of the time. It’s like you get judged either way!

  10. Pam says:

    I just had a baby, and my favorite comment this pregnancy was when an employee at Costco went out of their way to ask me “excuse me- are you having twins?” When I said no, her response was “well, you look like you are.” Nice.

    • Ashley says:

      Oh dear! Why do people feel they get to comment on a pregnant woman’s size? OH my… I would have had a hard time not saying something equally rude back to her!

  11. Missy says:

    Hey there! New reader here, saw your blog from Janae’s blog. This is pretty much hilarious! I think that all pregnant ladies (granted I have not been pregnant yet but) should just give the blunt non-polite response just to see the look on the person’s face lol

  12. HAHAHA! This post is AWESOME! With 3 weeks left until my due date, I’m convinced people shouldn’t talk to pregnant women at all. I’m pregnant and pissy so it would probably be best if people just avoided small talk with me as it relates to my pregnancy.

    My personal favorites:

    Guy in the elevator just this week: “WOW! You look like you’re about to pop! Don’t worry, if you go into labor right now I know CPR.”

    uuummm, what? CPR? Really?

    And early on in my pregnancy: “Oh! You’re definitely having a girl! Girls rob their mother of her beauty and your face is breaking out and your hair looks dry. Got to be a girl in there.”

    Spoiler alert: I’m having a boy.

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